Media Vacations

We are constantly bombarded by information and images from the world around us. While some of these may be helpful and inspiring, others may cause increases in negative emotions (e.g., stress, depressed mood). Images of violence may be particularly harmful, but exposure to angry discourse or rhetoric can be dangerous as well. Warning signs that you may be suffering as a result of media exposure include, but are not limited to, feeling overwhelmed, angry, hopeless, worried, disheartened, sad, or stressed. So what do you do if you notice this pattern?

1) Take a "media vacation" for a few days or even weeks. This allows your mind to stay in the present moment in the immediate world around you. If you're truly worried about missing something monumental, ask a friend or family member to notify you of any emergencies that would directly impact your life.

2) When you return to using media, choose one or two topics to follow. Try to avoid stories about other topics. Meanwhile, figure out how you can actively involve yourself in changing things in that area - participate in rallies, volunteer with an agency promoting justice or serving victims, etc. This can feel empowering and reduce feelings of hopelessness. 

3) Failing to notice the good and focusing too heavily on the bad can lead to depression, so be sure to take note of the positives in your community. This may occur in simple forms, such as daily acts of service between individuals or in more structured ways, such as organizations that work to promote social justice.

If at any point, you begin experiencing levels of anxiety or depression that are extremely distressing or interfere with your ability to accomplish daily tasks, be sure to contact a professional mental health provider. 

Good luck navigating the world around you!

Coping with Grief

People often think of grief as something that only applies when someone dies. In fact, grief is an emotion triggered by loss - loss of any kind - community, employment, relationships, a part of one's own identity, or a loved one. These major life events can trigger a series of emotions including numbness, sadness, worry, anger, resignation, or hopelessness. Sometimes, loss can lead to prolonged states of emotional dysfunction like depression or anger-management difficulties.

Far too often, people try to suppress their grief or fail to recognize how something major (like when a person changes jobs or an athlete who cannot participate in their sport) may affect them. When this happens, it is far more likely that those people will end up with long-term emotional or behavioral difficulties related to that experience. In fact, it is essential to recognize how certain behaviors, emotions, or thoughts might be related to an experience of loss. Only then, a person take the time to appropriately grieve and begin to heal. 

If you believe that you may be struggling with emotions related to a major loss, take the time to sit quietly in a private space and write down (or record in some way) the thoughts and feelings that come up for you throughout the day. Be sure to note what happens immediately before the thoughts or feelings and what ends up happening as a result of them. Once you have a firm understanding of the triggers for unpleasant thoughts or feelings, see if you can identify any specific events that may have led to those. For example, if you recently lost a loved one, do you believe that you will never be happy again? Could that be related to a belief that you cannot be happy without that specific person in your life? Be explicit about how your thoughts and feelings may be related to loss. Simply articulating where your emotions and thoughts stem from may help you move forward from them. 

Once you know what is holding you back, give yourself adequate time to have whatever emotions it is that you are experiencing. You do not have to appear perfect or like everything is okay. Everything is not okay, and pretending will only make you feel invalidated and give others permission to treat you as if nothing happened. This is not to say that you can behave badly - you do still need to treat others with dignity and respect and be sure that major responsibilities are in some way met (even if this means asking others for help doing so) - but you can be honest. 

Now that you are being honest with yourself and others, pursue acts of self-care. These include pleasurable activities (e.g., going to yoga, getting a massage, spending time in nature) and activities of passion (e.g., volunteering, working for a cause).

Continue to balance emotional space, pleasure, passion, and responsibility as you move forward through the inevitable journey related to grief and loss. And finally, if you feel like you cannot do it on your own, please seek out social support or professional assistance.  

Mindfulness Basics

Mindfulness is a psychological technique rooted in Eastern philosophy and meditation. A lot of people confuse mindfulness and meditation, but they are not one in the same. Here, I will provide some basics about mindfulness, what mindfulness can be used for, and a few sample exercises. 

Definition of mindfulness:

There are many different definitions of mindfulness, but one of the most concise and specific is being in the present moment, without judgement.

How can mindfulness be helpful:

Current research supports a 45-minute daily mindfulness practice as a method for stress reduction. The specific program upon which this finding is based is Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction, which was developed by John Kabat-Zinn at the University of Massachusetts Medical School in 1979.

Emerging evidence suggests that small, simple mindfulness exercises are helpful for managing anxiety, depression, trauma-related conditions, cravings related to substance abuse, and general wellbeing. Long-story short, a daily mindfulness practice has the ability to benefit most people. 

Sample mindfulness exercises:

Please remember that mindfulness is about being in the present moment without judgment. While doing any one of these exercises, you're likely to drift into thought. This is totally fine. When you catch your mind wandering, simply return your attention to the exercise.

1) Mindful Breathing

• Start by brining your attention to your breath. Simply notice it going in and out of your body.
• Next, start breathing in through your nose and out through your mouth. 
• Finally, attempt to breath in and out for the same amount of time (e.g., to a count of 4 in and a count of 4 out). 
• Repeat this for a minimum of 5 breaths, but you can also do it for longer periods of time.
• If at any point you drift away from the exercise, simply return your attention to your breath.

2) Mindful Listening

• Start by brining your attention to your breath. Simply notice your breath going in and out of your body. 
• Next, bring your attention to the sounds in the environment. 
• Sit for a few minutes, simply listening to the sounds. If you get distracted, gently return your attention to the sounds in the environment. 

Managing Depression

Depression is a hot topic right now, with 1 in 5 Americans suffering from the disorder. Both medication and cognitive-behavioral therapy have been shown to be effective treatments, and finding the right provider can be a HUGE help! In addition to treatment, there are some basic lifestyle changes that may help decrease symptoms. 

1) Eat nutritious meals that include protein, whole grains, fruits, and vegetables. Limit sugars and alcohol.

2) Exercise regularly. Recommendations vary, but most experts agree that 30 minutes of moderately intense exercise at least 3 days per week is the minimum to see changes in mood. If possible, exercise daily for at least 30 minutes, preferably outside in the morning sun.

3) Get enough sleep! Experts recommend getting 7 to 8 hours of sleep per day. 

4) Spend time outdoors in the sun. 

5) Connect with other people in person. Social support can help you manage stressful life events and your mood.

If you are interested in a pursuing treatment with me, information about the process and fees is available here.

Adult ADHD and Relationships

On Wednesday of this week, I was interviewed for a feature on WebMD about Adult ADHD's effect on relationships. I wanted to share some of the highlights from that story prior to the video being available. 

ADHD can have significant impacts on relationships, leading to frustration and resentment among partners. The person with ADHD might feel constantly nagged, almost like they live with a parent, and may ultimately try to stay away from their partner to avoid feeling harassed or like they cannot do anything right. The partner of the person with ADHD may feel like they have to take care of all the responsibilities for the family, leaving them feeling burdened. With this dynamic, you can imagine how hostility builds!

The good news is that you have the power to control the outcomes of your relationship! Through careful, compassionate communication and implementing some basic behavioral/environmental interventions, you can reduce the impact of ADHD.

Behavioral/Environmental Interventions include:

1) Use visual reminders for tasks - like sticky notes or white boards with "to do" item.

2) Make sure the partner with ADHD is paying attention when making a request of him or her. Have him or her look you in the eye before you speak and then have them repeat the request back to you to be sure they heard and understood. 

3) Organize your home, particularly the items you need on a daily basis. For example, have buckets for mail and keys right by the door to make it easy to put things away and to find. 

Communication Skills Include:

1) Approach communication from a place where you are both calm and ready to be patient and listen and truly hear the other person. Remember that you cannot read your partner's mind and that you do not have all the answers. You likely both feel hurt and frustrated to some degree. Practice compassion to increase the likelihood that the conversation will be productive.

2) Allow one person to state their concerns and then paraphrase their statement back to them before adding anything or responding. This shows your partner that you really are listening and not just waiting to defend yourself or argue.

3) Once the problem is clarified, work together to generate some possible solutions and decide on one to try.

4) If the first solution does not work after giving it a try, go back to the list of possible solutions and try something different.

I hope this information is helpful, and I look forward to sharing the link to the video when it's ready!

The Impact of Anxiety

Stress and anxiety are nearly ubiquitous in our society. Sometimes this is a good thing - like when we prepare for a big presentation or exam because we're worried about doing well - but many other times stress and anxiety contribute to physical problems (e.g., high blood pressure), psychological distress, or an inability to accomplish daily tasks. Recognizing the signs of anxiety and having some basic stress management techniques can go a long way in improving your health and wellbeing. If you continue having trouble managing your daily anxiety, working with a professional psychologist could help. 

Common Signs of Stress

1. Chronic worry
2. Excessive muscle tension
3. Headaches or stomachaches
4. Digestive issues
5. Chills or hot flashes
6. Trouble sleeping

Basic Stress Management Skills

1. Exercise 30 minutes at least 3x/week
2. Take 5 - 10 deep "belly" breaths
3. Pause and notice the world around you - pay attention to the sights, sounds, smells, textures, etc. of your environment
4. Limit caffeine and alcohol
5. Practice positive "self-talk" 

Note: If you are experiencing significant physical symptoms that are not clearly attributable to anxiety, please consult with a medical professional. This information is not meant to replace adequate medical care.